Settle your office disputes with temporal physics

Black holes, dumb daters, Harvard-i cheese, and Stephen Curry's only real competition...
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Hello, carbon-based lifeforms!

Using temporal physics to settle workplace disputes

Did you touch my stapler?

Did you?

It's cool if you did, I just want to know. It's not like I'm going to do something dramatic. 

"Like what?"

You mean aside from have an existential breakdown in the middle of newsletter by breaking the fifth wall?

(That's when you have a conversation with someone who doesn't really exist but multiverse theory says they might, so you've given up all hope of understanding subjective reality). 


Well, I mean, I could just steal your sandwich out of the office refrigerator.

But I'd probably just build a spaceship fast enough to get me to Sagittarius A (that's a black hole that's 1,500 lightyears away, so I'd have time to catch up on The Walking Dead on the way). 

Once I was there, I'd park my spaceship at the very perfect edge of the singularity and eat a taco. 

Because, here's the thing: if I've done my math correctly, the Earth will have long-since exploded in a fiery ball of solar radiation by the time I finish chewing my last delicious bite of spicy carne asada. 

I mean, maybe. Perhaps only a few thousand years will pass. 

Either way -- your stapler-touching behind will be long dead. 

That's because time works differently around and inside a black hole. 

So the moral of the story is: don't touch my $%*&ing stapler. And, also, physics is the science of revenge. 

Go now, and tell people what you've seen here today. 

And if you want to learn more about parking spaceships at the edge of black holes, check out this piece on Neural.

Tales from the arXiv archives

Lol what's next, robots gonna steal our weed too?

We talk about our favorite pre-print research from arXiv's AI section in this weekly column.

Hey everybody, I forgot to say "hello" up there in the newsletter intro. So, hi how are you? 

Me? I'm sad. Wanna know why? 

Because I'm probably never going to grow up to have my dream job: a video games playtester.

Oh the joy! I'd get up at noon, skateboard to the Cool Games HQ office, and play unreleased video games all day. 

That's the dream right? 

In reality, however, playtesting is a serious job that requires passion and dedication. The video game industry is worth billions and growing exponentially. 

And playtesting requires hard work. In fact it's so complex, AI developers are in an apparent frenzy to automate it. 

In the past two months alone there's been about half a dozen preprint papers detailing new machine learning-based playtesting paradigms. 

Basically, humans like me who have an unrealistic dream of living out a "Grandma's Boy" fantasy (if you haven't seen it, I don't know what you're doing with your life), are out of luck.

What's next? Are the robots going to steal our weed stashes and Robotech DVDs too? 

To learn more about how smart people are ruining my dreams, check out these recent preprints on arXiv:

Predicting Game Difficulty and Engagement Using AI Players

Playtesting: What is Beyond Personas

Improving Playtesting Coverage via Curiosity Driven Reinforcement Learning Agents

What we're writing


Harvard scientists are using AI to search for alien technology So that's what $200K in tuition gets you


Big tech tries to derail EU AI policy with 'warnings' from US think tank Lol, you're not fooling anyone. We see you Jeff, Bill, and Mark


This free AR app helped me remember who my plants are Sadly for Bastian, no app existed to remind of his friends from within the book -- soon, he even forgot the Empress herself


Lying, corrupt, anti-American cops are running amok with AI But only on days that end in the letter "Y"


Watch a basketball robot show NBA stars how to shoot I can't wait for those new Nike 1010101101100110s to drop!


Study: Almost half of dating app users trust AI to find them a match Surely, no harm can come from this

What we're reading


Artificial intelligence in structural biology is here to stay (Nature)


Raspberry Pi Stops Package Thieves with AI and Flour (Tom's Hardware)


Will AI leave human astronomers in the stardust? (Phys.Org)

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Something profound from the internet

I don't know if this is an AI bot, an eccentric person, or what. All I know, is they just got a follow 



Our favorite AI video of the week

Wanna see a quantum computer get installed? Of course you do. Check out IBM's new quantum site in Japan. 

(click the image below to watch on YouTube):



Well, bye

If you look at the end of this newsletter, you'll see three emoji icons. I really hope you'll click on one of those and give us some feedback. 

I promise: not only do I read every bit of praise and criticism we receive, but so does my boss. We care what you think. 





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